Lesson: keep treading!

It's funny. Well, not ha ha funny but interesting funny.

Life.  It can be moving along swimmingly and then out of nowhere you start to go under.  You can kick and flail and shout or you can relax and lean back and try and float using faith and patience, trust and hope to carry you along. The harder you try to fight it the faster you go down so - relax!!  Believe me, as much as you want to you have no other choice, so you just take one step at a time and attempt to understand the changes.

I am not an expert on this stuff.  I am an amateur for sure.  But, I have recently been let into an exclusive club.  I never wanted to be excluded more from anything in my life!!   The club is the one where someone you love is dealing with something you cant fix.  In our case it is a disease called Multiple Sclerosis.  It is not a life ending situation but, man, is it ever a life changing one.

Right before Christmas my son was diagnosed with MS.  It was not a total shock since his symptoms had been showing up for awhile.  Nonetheless, when you are witness to a specialized doctor telling your son he does have this disease (after a week of testing) you feel small and meek.  Dorothy Gale was right!  in front of the wizard you will do just about anything to get back to normal. I would gladly hunt down the wicked witch and melt her into oblivion.  Too bad for me, no witch will take this away.

Fast forward to New Years Eve morning.  Our elderly and very sweet dog suffered a stroke in the early hours and before nine he was gone.  A hard decision had to be made; it was the right decision.  We will miss that old dog everyday. Even the cat misses him. We grieved and then, because we had to, we moved on. Like I said life is funny.  

So, in two weeks time we had two rather momentous events in our quiet household.  Now what?

My son is adjusting to new routines that involve self administration of injections on a daily basis, relying on devices to get him safely from place to place, living back here with us after being on his own for so long and not being able to work due to his condition.  He has filled out pages upon pages of paperwork.  His life goals are different, he has a lot of uncertainty, yet he is so positive, strong and very accepting of the situation.   Yes, he has his moments but they really are few and far between.  We laugh a lot and we share a lot.  Even though I wanted him to live closer this is not at all the way I wanted him to be here, but with that said, he is such good company and the reason we now put bacon on seemingly everything and sip bourbon on cold winter nights.

I would gladly change places with him.  If only I could.

Now let me tell you that even though there have been losses, and big ones, there have been amazing gains!!   Never ever ever before have we ever needed or been the recipients of the kindness and love that we have felt recently.  My colleagues are sweet and generous beyond belief.  The church has made some hard things so much easier.  My school has let me know that I can and should take the time I need away from work to help care for my son.  My family has been comforting and available.  Our older son is a natural helper and an amazing organizer, as well as a tremendous support and provider of all manner of comfort mechanical and not. Our community has been generous in the donations coming in. Both old and new friends have opened their hearts and wallets to me and mine and answered my questions, assured me and given me strength. My neighbors are fun and so giving and helpful. Prayers are being said for us and we know it helps! Blessings abound.

This year is one of new beginnings.  All new years are.  You never know what will come your way but you face it.  Like the saying goes, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Godspeed

Here I sit on the cusp of a new year, wrapped in my Snuggie with my old graying dog on my feet looking out the window into the equally graying sky on the first of January, 2011. It is the day after the night of reflection for the world when we ponder the what ifs and if onlys of the past and look forward to the future with hope.

I am an optimist. I know the cup is half full. I believe in something bigger than me and I know the power of love. I also know the sting of life. I see the hurt on the faces of those I love when reality slams into them one more time. We miss what we can no longer have. We yearn for the things we may never get. Our broken or wounded hearts struggle through one more day. We need each other, I know for a fact I need all of you. So here is what I wish for this new year.

To my friends both new and old I wish more. More of everything that makes you wonderful to me. Good songs, good stories, funny sayings and doings. I wish you sunny skies and Whipples in summer, that all your auditions get your great parts, that your free time is filled with happiness and contentment. I wish you all had a cleaning service so that we could spend more time playing and less time looking at the messes we create.

To my parents and my aunt and uncles I wish good health, easy days, companionship and hugs from the many people who love you.

For my siblings and cousins,nieces and nephews, I pray for only good to come your way, for the joy we find in each other to continue, for the adventures of our lives to always be intertwined and for us to revel in each others lives for many many years to come. I wish to see the apron decorating more worldwide hot spots, to break good bread and raise glasses of cheer with each of you more often.

I hope for a life of new opportunities for my sons, filled with love, laughter and all that will make their hearts sing. I pray for them to never give up on their dreams and continue to give the world the talents that they have been blessed with. May the obstacles you face be only as small as pebbles in the road and may you have a hand to hold as your journeys continue forward. You are the very best things I have given the world and I am incomplete without you both in my life.

To my husband I wish you peace of mind and down time. I hope you are rewarded soon for the many many extra hours you give for free so that others can have stress free events. That we continue to lean on each other and somehow make ends meet even when it seems impossible. That you laugh more, travel more and see more of the world away from the computer screens of your life. I wish you more time to sing and play both on stage and off. I look forward to sitting beside you at the beach looking for dolphins in the waves.

This will do. Godspeed to all. Happy New Year.